Moving On

Philosophical Question: How do you accept the inevitable? No, not death. Change.

With excitement? No, your choices are depression or denial. I could throw in alcohol and partying, but you'd end up using it only to cover your depression or denial.

I usually choose denial, cause it keeps me functional. Besides, it is so much cooler to pretend I can handle anything. Finding a reason to hate something about the past seems like a popular choice, since it is so much easier than admitting you still miss it. (Which is a sign of weakness. Who would willingly want to hurt their pride?) So denial works for me. I'm sticking to it.

Change is also today's post-modern culture. If I'm not taking a chance to make progress onto something better, I'm standing still. That is so not cool. If I'm not in with the trend, I would be like the archaic figure teenagers like to rebel against. That is so not cool. Especially since grown-ups have a lot to learn from teenagers according to all the tv I watch.

So the only reason I accept change is because of the pressure that I should? Because there is no alternative?

What's wrong with holding onto the past? It's not progressive obviously. It's not as meaningful as, let's say, building castles in the sky with hope for the future. Which is the main objective. Add meaning to life, improve quality. It's meaningless to watch re-runs. What's the point in living with something you've grown comfortable with? I deserve more and better. Learn from your mistakes, grow confident from your achievements and move on.

Here's the thing about mistakes I've learnt. I make the same ones really, never really learn from them. Sure I wouldn't burn myself twice on the stove, but fires start everywhere. And achievements are cunning, sort of. Each new goal must be challenging, in new ways no less, than the previous one, to satisfy me. Obviously it's a setup for failure. Which I'm supposed to learn from and move on. But then I make the same mistakes again ... Just feels like a vicious cycle you know.

So Change. Here I go again. A month into 2007 and I'm already failing my New Year's resolutions. Still thinking about the people from the past and dreading I will miss the ones that will no longer be there in the future for sure. Another month starts tomorrow. Let me give it another shot.