Ripple

I made this in Illustrator CS4 as part of a tutorial. Fun! Which level of happiness does Creation fall into?

Wars are an everyday discussion on the radio. Not that it bothers me anyway. I live here sheltered. Still it's nice to stare into the simplicity and serenity of an artificial ripple of water.

25 (Negative) Things About Me

1. I'm more interested in meeting new people and making new friends than keep my existing friends or staying in touch with old friends.
2. I can never remember if I locked my apartment. It's almost a daily routine for me to walk to my car and walk back to my apartment to check the lock again. Going on a vacation can be painful since I have to do this multiple times (yes, all the way to my car and back. I'm not kidding). I can only be glad I live on the second floor and not any higher.
3. I'm agnostic. Not just about God. About other things as well that require faith and trust in an abstract quality of the human enterprise. True love. Loyal friendships. Unforgettable moments. They may be. They may be not.
   
4. I'm an impulsive shopper. Electronic toys and gadgets hypnotize me. I never wait for deals. If I want something, I spend first and think later.
5. I buy more books than I read. I have two cabinets in my living room. One for the books I have read. The other has books that I haven't yet opened. It even has a few books with bookmarks because I left them unread halfway. I'm running out of room in this cabinet.
6. I judge people based on how skinny or overweight they are. I do get over it once I get to know them. I think. I'm not always sure. I was once told that I'm only attracted to skinny women. I was surprised by that. I only realized it then.
7. I love driving in the rain without the windshield wipers on. But I always wear my seat belt. My favorite weather is when it's cloudy, dark and gloomy. Chilly, drizzling, slightly windy but not cold. It makes the day slightly better than ordinary.
8. I become obsessive about TV shows (amongst plenty of other things). I stupidly try to idolize them or identify with them. I think House M.D. is a role model. I watch almost every repeat episode so much so that I actually dreamt last night that I helped him on a medical case. Oh, and I have a huge crush on Jessie XX. I root for her every time she is blunt or plays with a knife.
   
9. I daydream about action scenes from sci-fi movies and tv shows. Yes, I have super powers in them. I'm waiting to outgrow this habit, but I've had it for a while now.
   
10. I avoid calling my parents because I feel I argue with them more than I talk to them.
11. I cannot recite a single phone number from my address book. The only number I had memorized was my sister's home number. She recently told me she was getting it disconnected.
    
12. I am very patronizing and sarcastic in arguments or friendly debates. I feel I have learned more from my life than others have from theirs. If I'm not saying anything, then I'm probably mocking the other person(s) in my head.
13. I constantly make multiple to-do lists and put them in multiple places or computers. I probably can make a list of where all my lists are and what their status is.
    
14. I'd rather take on too many projects than too few. Feeling purposeful and thereby important feeds my self-esteem.
15. I clean my apartment in long intervals. I wait for it to become really messy and dirty before I clean it all the way instead of on an ongoing basis.
16. I have imaginary conversations with people from the past over unresolved baggage, regrets and lost arguments over otherwise silly things. I would willingly invest in any research of time travel.
    
17. I keep all the wedding invitations I receive. Lately I have stopped opening them. They go straight into a shoe box.
    
18. I prefer staying indoors by myself than go out with friends. Except hiking. I'm always up for hiking.
19. I haven't visited home in India since 2002. I have plenty of excuses. Mostly I think it's because I prefer to spend the time and money to travel to a new place instead.
20. I cannot function at work without a Coke in the afternoon. I'm addicted.
21. I killed a plant. I'm thinking of getting some fish but probably won't. I'm afraid I'm too negligent for any pets.
22. I have selective memory. I completely forget conversations and dates randomly, some of which are rather important. If it wasn't written down, there are no guarantees.
    
23. I don't get angry. I believe in passive-aggression. I will hold a grudge for as long as it takes.
24. I take lots of pictures. I share only a few of them. This annoys a lot of people.
    
25. I am self-absorbed (obviously). It took me about a couple of hours to write this list. Now I'm pondering if that's too short or too long. I'm writing this list partly because I want to acknowledge my negative tendencies. But mostly I'm curious to see if putting this list out there for the world to see, makes any difference to me. Either I will resolve to work on some of them to become a better individual. Or not.

Warm Lines

© 2008 Chaitan Bandela. All Rights Reserved.
Available in 1920x1280.

I have been recently very interested in abstract and vector illustrations. This is a product of a tutorial. Graphic illustrations feel like an alternative and sometimes an extension to creative photography. I want to learn the tools better to create more.

Adobe Illustrator and Adobe Flash have piqued my interest. And I'm trying to justify splurging an insane amount of money to expand my hobby. How bored am I?

Battles

I lost a battle today. But I'm glad. Because I was honest. I wasn't petty. I was fair. Despite what I was up against. I was greedy too. I didn't hesitate revealing this. And yet, I submitted to a rational argument. Which may not have been all that rational. I really don't know. And I honored the presumptions and interpretations set forth. Without understanding. With no explicit trust. Because it's not always about winning.

Integrity. It matters.

The Truth Will Set You Free

What Truth? Going by the evidence, the truth will scare you. Going by what I have seen, the truth will depress you. They also say, Perspective is everything. And going by that, the truth will humble you. Optimism is supposed to be healthy. So then, the truth will only be a betrayal. Forget about it. Denial works. Embrace it. Live in it.

"Truth begins in lies." - House, M. D.

Letting Go: Part II

I have in my hand a receipt from a Gift Store of 'Juliette Low Birthplace' from Feb 19, 2006. This is a receipt for a Coffee mug I bought during my visit to Savannah, GA, for the first time. Juliette Gordon Low is considered the Founder of Girl Scouts in USA and her place is considered the Mecca for Girl Scouts. For an average South Asian immigrant, this place should hold no significance. And yet I'm going through a shoe box throwing away stuff I should have a long time ago. I may be pathetic, but this is still something I have to face. No matter how long it takes, I have to let go of old junk to make room for new junk.

Guess what! I'm a sentimental fool. I'm destined to be burdened by the junk I hold on to.

I know I haven't let it all go yet. I'll probably never throw away the Coffee mug itself. Right now, I'm just ready to throw away the receipt for it. But this is one more step closer to becoming more independent of my own constructed sentimental demons. Hurrah!

Letting Go

'Moving on' is the biggest "lesson of life". You never get to learn it anywhere but from the pure failures of your own life. Or more specifically, the failures of the constructs you make, when you are the most hopeful.

Letting go of the junk you accumulate, when you hoped it would have become valuable, is as bad as betting on a Stock. Something as simple as hope you cling on to, may seem the most cruel you can be to yourself. Beware!

Right now, I'm looking for a CD. Something that, I think, would bring me great joy, through it's sheer value of entertainment. But I have to go through all these boxes of crap I never got around to sorting through. Concert tickets. Random receipts. Movie tickets!!! Now is as good a time as any. To throw away junk I've been holding on to for no reason at all.

Hopefully, I won't regret it in the morning. Even better, I won't remember it at all in the morning. Hopefully. Alcohol is such a boon at times! If only ...