Sexual Harassment

I've come across several posts today on the topic of Sexual Harassment. One of the them, very well written, and made me really aware of what a woman can suffer through in a crowded public place, is Known Turf: Streets, stories, strategies. Annie, while writing about how a Mumbai woman has to be on constant alert from being sexually molested on the streets and in public places, in broad daylight, also discusses about how every woman has probably gone through this humiliation and how one's expectations have been artificially trained to expect the worst in these situations.

Some other articles I've read ...
- A Time To Reflect: On being a female body
- This is Mangs: Train to Chennai


From a male perspective, I was really not aware of how bad this has been in India or elsewhere. Nor would I separate myself from it as if I were not part of the problem. Let me ask myself the tough question...

Have I ever sexually harassed anyone?

To answer it without explanations, I would say probably I did. Since this is my post, I guess I will at least explain it for my own benefit. On the defensive first, I don't think I've ever done anything that is blatantly and obviously objectionable. Never in a crowded public place or on the streets. I've always been hanging on the door step of a crowded bus carelessly endangering my own life, while my other brethren have been deep inside (and I guess that was a way of separating myself). On the streets, I was always anxious to get to my destination or get back home. Hey, I have two older sisters and learnt a lot from them about how not to behave like the scoundrels that have harassed them. Movies and TV helped too. So I guess I steered clear of the worst of it. But then most women complain of going through something terrible with someone they knew or were related to. And this is where I am not so innocent.

Obvously I or most decent men would not enter a situation with malice for intent in order to gain personal pleasure (popularly coined term - "cheap thrill") of the wicked kind. (I'm being so defensive aren't I? Just makes it sound like I'm building up to confess something really horrible or justify my actions. Well, at least I'm typing this as I'm thinking, so I'm not censoring myself too much) But then all forms of sexual harassment considered, however "mild" they may be, an innocent interaction can easily turn into a sexual one in the flash of a second. I was probably very curious about certain things and couldn't be objective about the girl's space. Or in some situations, I could have been so blindsided, I didn't even realize that it was uncomfortable for her. (I know, confessing defensively. I'm such a coward.)

But then there are situations where I was in the dark about how the girl was feeling and I chose to exploit the situation for my benefit. An embarassing accidental brush on her part and I would have taken it as a big invitation. A dire need for transportation on her part became an unhindered close contact for me while driving and stopping suddenly on my 2-wheeler. When I got paired off with someone in a group of friends on an outing, I don't think I would have considered the peer pressure involved or that she didn't have a choice in it at all. An innocent appreciative hug that I enjoyed more than I should have or lasted longer than what she intended to allow. These situations are innumerable. I may have crossed my limits, and none of them chose to object and instead let it pass. So the only reason I'm not guilty is that those who objected to my advances did not say so and I am under the impression that it was no big deal or they may have even enjoyed it. (hehehe, universal male justification for their sins)