When Will I Really Learn To Cook?

you know when life is good, but something is still missing. when i know what it is, and i no longer want to pay it any attention. and yet it keeps coming up everywhere i go. in conversations, and on tv. especially what seems to come so naturally to everyone else around me. and so i wait, for something to change. not so much wanting to be a cause for the change, but rather expecting the universe to tell me it has. and from time to time, i wake up feeling like something has shifted. i've had a really cheerful week so far and hope comes in profusion. i think i can take things to the next level. and finally have the meaningful change in life i deserve to. i get excited about being seen in a new light, about possibilities leading into new avenues. may be i will finally stop feeling jealous when i am around them. i head towards this new venture with determination. it's finally my turn. it's finally coming around and happening to me. i turn that last corner, ready to get started.

disappointments are a part of life. we all know this. but isn't it just plain wrong when you are no longer surprised? it's really sad, when i know i'm supposed to be sad about the way things turned out, but it actually brings me a smile cause i think it's funny somehow. things usually start out just fine. have every reason to believe it is going to work out. except i never see when i'm already too late. it's already gone bad. i'm not torn up about it. what was i really expecting after so many times? if someone would have told me a few years ago that i would be stuck at this point in life, i would have never believed them.

at the end of it all, i've left only one thing to do. look at it one last time for now. i know that it's what is still missing. i turn around, smile and walk away. i did everything i could. and now i can't stop thinking about ...